


The Christmas Ride or How Chris Larabee Came to Have a Personal Grudge Against St. Nick

by tpena19



Category: The Magnificent Seven: Old West
Genre: Crack, Explicit Language, Gen, Humor, Wordcount: 10.000-30.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-26
Updated: 2010-03-26
Packaged: 2017-10-08 08:02:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/74440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tpena19/pseuds/tpena19
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The boys are stranded up a mountain on Christmas night without a way back home...or are they?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Random Christmas Crack!Fic dedicated to Pez Girl. No actual reindeer were hurt in the making of this fic.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
**Current location:** |  [freezing cold room](http://maps.google.com/maps?q=freezing%20cold%20room)  
---|---  
**Current mood:** |   
accomplished  
**Current music:** | rocky theme  
**Entry tags:** |   
[fanfic](http://tpena19.livejournal.com/tag/fanfic), [fic: christmas ride](http://tpena19.livejournal.com/tag/fic:%20christmas%20ride), [gen](http://tpena19.livejournal.com/tag/gen), [magnificent 7](http://tpena19.livejournal.com/tag/magnificent%207), [pic](http://tpena19.livejournal.com/tag/pic)  
  
  
_**First Mag7 Fic - The Christmas Ride (Gen, PG-15, all 7 guys) part 1**_  
This fic is dedicated to [](http://pezgirl7.livejournal.com/profile)[**pezgirl7**](http://pezgirl7.livejournal.com/) since the idea spawned (and then took on a life of it's own) after leaving her a present under her virtual tree and commenting.

_Me: *left reindeer under tree* This was the closest thing to a horse I could find, I figure you and the boys can ride this for the season, lol._

Pez Girl: Your gift made me LOL. I can just imagine Ezra's reaction to having to ride on a reindeer. Vin would probably hop right on. :)

ME: Vin and JD would be all for it, of course, and I could see Josiah and Buck being talked into it pretty easy too. But I'm thinking it'd be a bit more difficult to talk Chris, Nathan, and Ezra into it, heh.

**Title:** The Christmas Ride or How Chris Larabee Came to Have a Personal Grudge Against St. Nick  
**Author:** tpena19, Tiffany, It's Me (duh)  
**Fandom:** The Magnificent Seven: Old West  
**Characters:** Buck, Chris, Ezra, JD, Josiah, Nathan, Vin, and reindeer.  
**Rating:** PG-15, Gen (no pairings)  
**Disclaimer:** I make no money and no copyright infringement is intended, the Mag7 boys belong to MGM, Mirisch and Trilogy. Santa owns the reindeer.  
**Word Count:** 12,325 (for whole post), 11,940 (for just the story)  
**Warnings:** Some cussin' (it's a crazy situation, excuse the boys)  
**Spoilers:** Set in nonspecific OW time line, spoilers for basic understanding of Mag7 (and fanon characteristics).  
**Author's Notes:** Random Christmas Crack!Fic dedicated to Pez Girl. No actual reindeer were hurt in the making of this fic.  
**Beta:** [](http://jojosimco.livejournal.com/profile)[**jojosimco**](http://jojosimco.livejournal.com/) Now with new beta-y goodness. Thank you, JoJo!  
**Summary:** The boys are stranded up a mountain on Christmas night without a way back home...or are they?

  
  
[](http://pics.livejournal.com/tpena19/pic/00053zwx/) The Scene.

**Setting the Scene:** It was a dark and stormy night..._well, not really that stormy. Not stormy at all really, not a cloud in the sky; we'll call it the time in between massive snow storms to be more exciting. Ok, let's try this again._

It was a dark and calm between massive snow storms kind of night..._you know, it wasn't really that dark either, as the full moon was out and shining brightly, almost as bright as day some might say - not me obviously but some less dramatically inclined might say it - you could even see almost all the way down the mountain, and if you squinted and stared real hard, you might even be able to make out seven tiny horses far downhill, stampeding off into the night. Right. Ok, here we go once again._

It was a not quite so dark and calm between massive snow storms kind of night..._ok, that just sounds retarded, let's skip the night's description shall we? And onward._

In a snow covered clearing, a little ways off the main trail, high up on a mountain top, we come upon seven gentle travelers working diligently together to solve their transportation situation. _(remember the horses? yeah, the ones running willy-nilly down the mountain, well meet their intrepid owners)_

[](http://pics.livejournal.com/tpena19/pic/0002pxtg/) The Guys.

_Well, maybe they're not quite working so diligently...or together...and they're definitely not gentle. No, it's more like seven cranky, discontent alpha males - each with his own ideas on how to go about things. And about who's to blame for the current snafu they've found themselves in._

[](http://pics.livejournal.com/tpena19/pic/00054g7w/) Devil. [](http://pics.livejournal.com/tpena19/pic/0005cxce/) Chris Larabee.

**Chris:** _*stands with hands on hips, his back to most of his men, sending thoughts of torture down the mountain after his traitor black stallion - Devil, shifts his eyes to watch JD return from an ill thought-out chase through the snow after his own horse*_

[](http://pics.livejournal.com/tpena19/pic/0006hsz0/) Chaucer. [](http://pics.livejournal.com/tpena19/pic/0005dgfd/) Ezra Standish.

**Ezra:** _*stands, a little behind Larabee to his left, and stares in betrayal after his red chestnut gelding - Chaucer, then he also shifts his eyes to follow JD's walk back, before he raises an eyebrow, smirks slightly, and looks round at his fellow peace keepers*_ This was, in no way, my fault.

[](http://pics.livejournal.com/tpena19/pic/00056400/) Willow. [](http://pics.livejournal.com/tpena19/pic/0005e3s6/) Nathan Jackson.

**Nathan:** _*quits sending looks of hurt confusion after his buckskin mare - Willow, and turns to Josiah standing next to him to say beneath his breath*_ This'll be the first time then.

[](http://pics.livejournal.com/tpena19/pic/00057567/) Ruth. [](http://pics.livejournal.com/tpena19/pic/0005fyy9/) Josiah Sanchez.

**Josiah:** _*changes his short prayer to the almighty, from asking him to watch after his old dappled grey mare - Ruth - to asking him to look after he and his brothers in all but blood this night, he clenches a fist around the old wooden cross hanging off his neck, and ignoring Nathan, replies*_ We know that, Ezra. We never said it was, son.

**Ezra:** _*who apparently has hearing like a bat, turns to his right sending a vicious glare Nathan's way*_ I didn't want to stop. I didn't want to get off my horse. This is not my fault. _*then he gifts an only slightly less nasty glare to Josiah*_ And I am not your son, cease addressing me in such a manner.

[](http://pics.livejournal.com/tpena19/pic/00058792/) Honey Darling. [](http://pics.livejournal.com/tpena19/pic/0005gkrr/) Buck Wilmington.

**Buck:** _*from his stance just in front of and to the left of Ezra, is still frowning after his blue roan mare - Honey Darling, he hasn't heard Nathan's disparaging remark and has long since learned to tune out "the great son debate" - though if you ask him, which no one has unfortunately, Josiah ought to knock it off like Ezra has been asking, before Ez stops asking and the old son takes to knocking Sanchez's head off instead*_ Of course not, Hoss. Now where in tarnation does she think she's going? And without me? _*still frowning unhappily after his long gone horse*_

[](http://pics.livejournal.com/tpena19/pic/00059b7g/) Spot. [](http://pics.livejournal.com/tpena19/pic/0005hw8y/) JD Dunne.

**JD:** _*trudging back from chasing after his blanket appaloosa filly - Spot, blinks at Buck, opens his mouth then closes it thinking*_ No, too easy. _*shifts his eyes to Ezra, droops, looks sorrowful and sniffs*_ No, this was all my fault. I'm sorry guys. _*then, with a slight wiggle, and without stopping his steps towards Buck, he turns to look back down the way he just came, eyes widening in excitement*_ But Spot sure can run, can't she? Even in the snow she was way out front.

[](http://pics.livejournal.com/tpena19/pic/0005a66d/) Peso. [](http://pics.livejournal.com/tpena19/pic/0005kc9e/) Vin Tanner.

**Vin:** _*switches his death glare from his pinto mustang gelding - Peso, who his sharpshooter eyes can just barely still see - to JD, who isn't even looking at him to appreciate all he's learned from the school of Larabee*_ I think you need Nathan to check your eyesight, Kid, that horse out front was obviously Peso, stupid mule. _*takes a few steps forward from his place at Chris's right, and bends over to pick his hat up off the ground, from where he had thrown it earlier in frustration, and brushes the snow off before putting it back on*_ Dang mule loves winter. Think he just loves to dump my ass in the snow. Guess this running off with the rest of the herd, like a damn sheep, is his revenge for me staying horsed this whole trip.

**Buck:** _*stops frowning after Honey Darling and starts frowning at JD instead*_ Watch where you're going, dangit boy! Do you want to take another snow bath? One not enough for you tonight? Didn't you learn nothing from the tumble you took chasing after your fool pony?

**JD:** _*turns around to face front, his scowl, showing off his own credentials from the school of Larabee, is aimed first at Buck*_ Shut up, Buck. _*then at Vin*_ Spot can outrun any horse, any time, in any conditions.

**Vin:** _*nods, then knocks the proud look right off JD's face*_ That may be so, but Peso was still out front.

**Josiah:** _*stops giving Ezra the sad, you-don't-mean-that face, darn man's not looking anyways, and gives it to someone who will appreciate it more - JD*_ John Daniel, you are not to blame for our current tribulations.

**Nathan:** _*stops returning glare-fire at Ezra long enough to give an understanding look to JD*_ Yeah, no one could have predicted that all the horses would get spooked at once, that all their reins would come undone, and that they would all take off like that. It's damn unlucky, or suspicious, but clearly not your fault. _*casts a careful glance over at Ezra, like he thinks Standish, or more likely his all too clever horse, is to blame*_

**Ezra:** _*completely ignores Josiah's returned kicked-puppy look, and gazes calmly back at Nathan, not showing the growing anger inside, well not showing it much anyways, as he nearly bites off each word*_ I repeat, I am not responsible for this mess. _*pauses, then turns a half-frown towards Chris and adds, as if it might be in question*_ And neither is my horse. He knows better. _*shifts his vision past a turning Chris, towards where Chaucer was last seen fleeing the scene*_ Well, he was taught better at any rate, and besides he wouldn't run off after a prank of this magnitude. He'd need to stay close, in order to gloat properly. _*his face shows his worry for his horse openly for a moment before sliding back into a mask of faint, but growing, annoyance*_

**Chris:** _*moving to glare at Standish and tell him to shut the hell up already, that no one blamed him for any of this shit - well, besides bad habit Nathan - he catches sight of Ezra's changing expressions, as he decides not to yell at the gambler, he ends up frowning at the ornery bastard instead*_

**Josiah:** _*remembering how Ezra's horse had once untied Ruth's lead rope, clamped it in his teeth and led her off down the street, with himself chasing after, to the laughter of most of the town, adds his own look of contemplation at Ezra to Nathan's skeptical one, unfortunately he just ends up looking like he thinks Ezra is as guilty as Nathan apparently does*_

**Vin:** _*casts a quick frown of disappointment over at Josiah and Nathan, who both miss it completely as they are too busy giving Ezra the ol' stink eye, so he turns to look at Larabee to see what he makes of things, and sees him frowning at Ez too, unable to let a friend face three to one odds - Buck and JD are out, as they're too busy sniping at each other over who's fallen in the snow more, to be of any use - he puts his two cents in*_ Ah heck, I know that Ez. You was with us the whole time. And even iffin' it were Chaucer who untied all the ropes, which means he's been practicing to get them all in such a short time, but I'm not saying it was, he couldn't have gotten Peso, or Devil, to run off like scared rabbits like that anyways.

**Ezra:** _*unsure as to whether his horse, and thus by proxy himself, has just been insulted or not, he decides to accept Vin's overture in the spirit in which it was meant, nodding his head graciously*_ Thank you, Mr. Tanner. It's good to know that someone else has also realized the obvious. _*turns a look of censure on Nathan and sniffs*_ As I recall, it was our own dear Mr. Jackson who wanted us to stop in this little picturesque locale.

**Nathan:** _*eyes going wide in affronted dismay*_ I know you're not suggesting that this is my fault. I saw an opportunity to gather important healing herbs. Hanging about with you lot, I know I'm going to need them sooner or later, probably sooner now that we're stranded out in the wet and cold. You would all die of pneumonia without me, don't none of you have the sense god gave a goose. Besides, I was doing fine on my own. I never told you to get off your horse.

**Chris:** _*is sending Vin a level eight glare for insulting his horse, Devil would never act like a scared rabbit, horse had more sense than most, definitely more sense than a goose - and the longer he stood here listening to the surrounding insipid quarreling, the more he thought his horse had the right idea running off, he could feel a headache forming already*_

**JD:** _*brushing yet more snow off his body, and incidently proving Nathan's point about pneumonia, tunes in to the other ongoing argument just in time to jump to wrong-headed conclusions, assuming that Nathan blames him for their current adventure, apparently he's never heard the old saying about "how to assume makes an ass out of u and me"*_ No, that was me. You're right, Nathan, this is all my fault! I shouldn't have asked everyone else to help you out. If only I had thought to have someone stay with the horses, stupid, stupid, stupid... _*clenches his hands into fists and smacks his own legs*_

**Buck:** _*goes from gloating about winning the most falls debate due to the kid falling on his ass in the middle of a sentence, to jumping instantly to JD's protection from, an apparently judgemental Nathan*_ Hey! This isn't the Kid's fault, leave him alone! He was just trying to help you out!

**JD:** _*turns to Buck on his left, looking as gloomy as the nonexistent storm clouds*_ No, Buck, Nate's right, it's my fault.

**Ezra:** _*looking slightly amused at Larabee grimacing and rubbing his forehead, as well as at Buck and JD's melodrama, interjects*_ As long as everyone's clear, it's not my fault.

**Nathan:** _*ignoring Ezra and looking apologetic, as much at overprotective motherhen Buck as at miserable confused JD*_ That ain't what I said at all JD.

**JD:** _*shifts his hangdog expression back to looking at Nathan*_ I was the one who had us leave our horses, and now look at them. That's right, you can't! They're probably halfway back to Four Corners by now. It is all my fault.

**Ezra:** _*brings a hand up to his rub his mouth, covering a small but expanding smile, as he watches, equally as entertained by JD's emotional outburst as by Chris's visibly growing exasperation with the same*_

**Josiah:** _*having long since given up on trying to affect Ezra with stares, and recently back from giving Nathan an insulted look for the goose-sense comment, finds himself turning to young JD with a benevolent gaze*_ Now, son, you know that ain't true. This is in no way your fault.

**Vin:** _*surprised over the intensity of JD's instant guilt complex, but not over its existence, kid always was trying to live up to each of the other seven's supposed expectations, his clear blue eyes track from JD's anguished brown orbs to the left to find Ezra's verdant ones waiting for him, they do their own silent communication thing, with it being decided that Vin would be the better choice to chime in right now with his own unique style, especially as Ez seemed to be fighting off a case of the giggles*_ Josiah's right JD, we all thought the horses would be fine. It's as much his fault, or my fault, or heck, even Chris's fault, as it is yours.

**Buck:** _*gifting Vin with a pair of relief filled eyes, he nudges his 'little brother' not quite gently in the side*_ Yeah, it's not their fault, and it's not your fault, and it's fer sure not my fault.

**Nathan:** _*saying with a face full of innocence, even though he no longer really believes it, he still has an image to maintain after all, and besides no way is he going to apologize or take anything back now, not after the twisty conman had tried to turn things back on him - hypocrisy thy name is Nathan Jackson, he thinks*_ Yeah, JD, we all know somehow it's Ezra's fault.

**Josiah:** _*freezes, then shifts very slowly to face Ezra, all the while wondering when Nathan had lost his own goose-sense and developed a death-wish*_ Now, son...

**Ezra:** _*all amusement at the situation dies with the onset of his offended rage, and though well hid, genuine emotional pain, starts in a cold voice filled with icy anger and a swiftly thickening accent, and lazering first Nathan and then Josiah with a death glare, Larabee level nine at least*_ Ah. Ahm. NOT. Yoah. Son. Mistah. Sanchez. - _*before he can go on to lambaste the two so richly deserving neanderthals he finds himself interrupted by a finally fed up Chris Larabee*_

**Chris:** _*physically fighting the nearly overwhelming urge to draw his gun and shoot the lot of them, he snaps*_ Ezra, shut up. _*seeing the flash of surprise and hurt on the normally stoic face before the gambler hides his tell with his hat by looking down, he quickly adds*_ Everyone just shut up. Ezra you can kick both their asses later, right now survival is more important. We have to find a way out of the cold and snow before we ALL catch our deaths, _*he adds under his breath*_ or I shoot one of you. _*waits for the nods of obedience from around him, and ignoring Vin and Ezra's knowing looks, he continues*_ Now, the horses don't seem to be coming back, so we need to decide our next steps. Anyone have any supplies?

**Vin:** _*is the first to speak up while everyone else checks pockets, he's glad to see take-charge Larabee is back, that whole silent frowning thing was getting old, now to go about happily earning a glare - he'd been without one fer dang near a whole hour he's sure*_ I've got my coat.

**Chris:** _*closes his eyes and sighs, then reaches a hand up to grip the bridge of his nose*_ That's great, Vin. Good for you. Do you happen to have anything actually useful?

**Vin:** _*grumbles to himself*_ I think my coat is dead useful. Keeps me warm don't it? Man ought to be more specific when askin' stuff. _*then in a slightly louder voice, but only slightly as his grumbling wasn't really that low to start with, and ignoring the muffled snickers coming from the now circle of pocket checking men*_ Like what?

**Chris:** _*moves his hand slowly away from his face, and losing the battle to stay calm, rakes Tanner with a true Larabee level nine glare*_ Like a compass maybe? Or a canteen? Or even that blasted spyglass of yours?!

**Vin:** _*feigns a surprisingly good surprised look, even Ezra is impressed*_ Oh, well why didn't you say so then?

**Chris:** _*drops his hand to hover near his gun, once again resisting the urge to shoot something, just one annoyance this time instead of six*_ No one else had better mention a single item of clothing to me.

**Vin:** _*still feeling a bit puffed up over his level nine glare, sees the hand drop and decides not to push his luck*_ I'll just check my pockets.

**Buck:** _*not bothering to hide his chuckles, feels safe enough to list his pocket finds*_ I have my side arm, gunbelt, my half-full canteen - gathering herbs for stinky tea is thirsty work, a pocket knife, bandanna, handkerchief - for the ladies, matches, tobacco and rolling paper, and I'd mention my gloves and suspenders, but I think they's clothing so I better not.

**JD:** _*bolstered by Buck's list, he enthusiastically goes next, first patting his colts lovingly then holding out each item to show Chris*_ I've got my guns and gunbelt, my sheriff badge, a pocket knife, jerky, trail bread, some string, a blue marble...

**Nathan:** _*jumping in before Chris can do something he might not regret, with an apologetic look at JD*_ I've got my gun, gunbelt, throwing knives in my back sheaths, pocket knife, two boot knives, and my medical bag - with new stinky tea herbs.

**Josiah:** _*with a wry grin of amusement at Nathan and Buck's tea banter*_ I've got my whiskey flask - filled recently with red-eye, my side arm, gunbelt, my cross, matches, and my tobacco and pipe.

**Vin:** _*lists items off in military precision, until the food comes up, then he kind of gets lost in dreamy peach heaven*_ Bandanna, suspenders, spurs, gunbelt, sawed off, ammunition, flint box, boot knife, medicine bag - you can't use that, harmonica, spyglass, penny candy, biscuits, trail bread, jerky, jar of Nettie's peaches...

**Buck:** _*looking Vin up and down with an intrigued look on his face*_ One wonders where he puts it all.

**Ezra:** _*rolling his eyes at Vin's never ending appetite, starts a meandering list of his possessions*_ A silk scarf, silver tie tack and matching cufflinks, two handkerchiefs, a gentleman's silver flask filled with a gentleman's liquor - mine, my pocket watch, a book - the Iliad in its original Greek, two decks of cards, a boot knife, a pocket knife, gunbelt and side arm, shoulder holster and gun, derringer rig and derringer, ammunition - all types, suspenders, sleeve garters, keys, rolling papers, my rings, and of course, money - which you can't have, as none of you heathens ever bothers to pay the interest you owe when you borrow any.

**Buck:** _*now looking Ezra up and down with an equally intrigued look on his face*_ One wonders where he keeps it all.

**JD:** _*delighted that his 'big brother' makes it so easy for him, beams*_ Does one wonder, Buck? I wouldn't know.

**Chris:** _*also delighted that Buck makes it so easy, just hiding it better than JD, smirks*_ You have anything you need to tell us, Big Dog? Thought you liked the ladies?

**Buck:** _*stops blinking in confusion at JD, and starts scowling as he gets the idea*_ I didn't mean it like that! Not that there's anything wrong with that per say, I mean I even, I mean out on the trail a man can get - lonely, you know what I mean?

**Josiah:** _*glances at a grinning Nathan and decides to be (un)helpful*_ Nope.

**Buck:** _*glares at Josiah, and starts speaking faster than his brain can keep up with trying to explain himself*_ Look no offense, Vin and Ez are both nice looking fellas, but I like the ladies, no I LOVE the ladies! I love their long flowing hair, not that Vin's hair isn't nice, and curly and long. _*starts to lose the glare and frowns slightly, then smiles as he shakes it off and continues*_ And I love a gal's soft touchable skin, not that Ez's skin isn't soft, and smells right nice too. _*smile gone, frown now fully formed*_ Women wear pretty dresses! with frills and fans and..._*glances over at Ez, remembering a certain not to be mentioned again incident involving a purple dress*_ Breasts! I love them, and sorry boys but you just don't have any, and - _*looks very, very relieved as Ezra raises a brow and pretends he isn't still speaking*_

**Ezra:** _*cuts in on Buck's now near incoherent babbling and speaks over JD's cackling laughter, while successfully ignoring the rest's very unmanly giggles*_ So, fearless leader, what have you got in your pants?

**Chris:** _*goes perfectly still for a few seconds - in respectful shock that Standish actually took it there, then he turns a freezing glare on a choking Vin and a smug Buck, stopping along the way to eyeball a white faced Dunne, then smirks and names off his contributions*_ Well, I have my spurs, my gun and gunbelt, matches, tobacco and papers, pocket knife, and my twin whiskey flasks, one full, one empty. And I haven't shot any of you yahoos yet. _*then he lets Nate take over the verbal conversation so he can start a nonverbal one with Vin*_

**Nathan:** _*sighs in disgust*_ So...we have nothing helpful at all. Seeing as there's nothing to shoot at, _*peeks at Chris, he isn't keen on fixing bullet holes out in the snow if the man can't hold his temper*_ or use a knife on. And getting drunk and rolling a smoke won't help. Any of you fellas got any ideas?

**Ezra:** _*still smarting a bit from Nathan's baseless attack on his impeccable character, but willing to be forgiving during this joyous holiday season, acts the smart ass so Nate has something real to gripe about, and who says he can't be selfless*_ Smoke signals?

**Buck:** _*always up for a little Nathan baiting, joins the bamboozle master, saying in complete seriousness*_ Who'd we signal? Four Corners is too far away, half the last town we were at wants to tar and feather half of us, and the only ones who actually speak smoke signal would try and scalp us.

**Chris:** _*pauses a moment to angle an incredulous stare at Ezra and Buck, before turning an intense look of concentration, now comes with raised eyebrow, on the tracker standing next to him, I'll translate for those of you not fluent in Larabee-ese "Vin, you know of any safe places to take shelter near here?"*_

**Vin:** _*returns the look with a slight frown, followed by a slow head shake and ending with a glint in the eyes, translation "Don't really know these parts too well. Sorry, but nothing off the top of my head, Cowboy."*_

**Josiah:** _*perks up in interest at the mention of a smoke signal language*_ You know, I once spent a fair amount of time with a native smoke signal master.

**JD:** _*looks truly impressed*_ Really?

**Nathan:** _*isn't quite sure what to think of the whole smoke signals conversation, he was sure Ezra was busting his chops, even Ezra and Buck, but Josiah too? all he knows is he's annoyed at Josiah leaving his tale off there, usually the man can't keep a story to hisself*_ And?

**Josiah:** _*looks at Nathan in surprise, sometimes he likes Nathan baiting in his spare time too*_ And nothing, that's it. I spent some time with an old Indian smoke signaler.

**Ezra:** _*watches Nathan get more and more frazzled, and thinks*_ My work here is done.

**Nathan:** _*stares blankly at his best friend, sometimes the man just confused him*_ Then why bring it up? It has nothing to do with us using smoke to signal for help, and it doesn't even give any other useful information either!

**Josiah:** _*exudes calmness outwardly whilst cackling inwardly*_ Just remembered that I'd never told you before, thought you might want to know.

**Vin:** _*stops trying to think of a good camping spot and gives Nathan's noticeable reaction his full attention*_

**Nathan:** _*looking kind of crazed and not yet realizing everyone is now staring at him, shouts*_ Well, I didn't!

**JD:** _*is a bit nonplussed over Nathan's shouting, but is completely interested in the topic, for real, he's not even fidgeting*_ What's a smoke signaler do exactly?

**Buck:** _*beginning to get intrigued despite himself, asks, even though he knows he shouldn't*_ And how does one become a 'master' smoke signaler?

**Chris:** _*takes a slow step back and looks around carefully at his men, thinking to himself*_ Are they really carrying on a discussion about smoke signals? In the middle of a bad situation, stranded in the snow, on a mountain, at night?!

**Vin:** _*kind of confused, as he thinks he missed the start of, and reason for, this discussion, but feels able to contribute, and it's not often he feels he can share a part of his youth with these men, his blood-brothers*_ Each tribe has their own signaling system. Often a signaler starts a fire on a mountain, typically using damp grass, which makes the smoke rise. The grass can be taken off as it dries and another bundle added. Usually, the location of the smoke along the slope conveys a meaning. Like, if it came from half way up the hill - all's well, but from the top of the hill - danger. You can burn different things in the fire to get different types or colors of smoke too. The smoke language lets the tribe share news, signal danger, or gather people to a common area, all from a distance.

**JD:** _*beginning to bounce in increasing excitement*_ Wow, I didn't know all that! Buck, did you know all that? Is that why you and Ez thought it'd be neat to try it?

**Buck:** _*barely manages to keep his jaw shut on that one, tries a weak smile*_ No, kid, I didn't know all that. I didn't even know there was all that to know. _*glances over at Ezra, thinking*_ I hope you have some story ready to get us out of this one, Hoss.

**Nathan:** _*stares in befuddlement at Vin, then flicks a suspicious glance at Buck*_ What'd you just say Buck Wilmington?

**Josiah:** _*beams his pride openly at Vin, causing the younger man to blush and duck his head for a moment before looking back up with pride now etched on his own face, then he lets his eyes drift around their little circle*_ I can share just what, or rather who, a master smoke signaler is with you all, if you're still interested that is? _*he notices Buck looks extremely grateful for the possible out, while Ezra looks as composed as ever*_

**Chris:** _*clenches his jaw and turns a slow stare towards Vin, all the while thinking*_ Oh god, now they've got Vin doing it. He's supposed to be my tracker, my right hand man, my keen eye sight and steady mind, when did I pass through the dark Gates of Morpheus?

**Ezra:** _*fights a stare of shock into a head tilt of attentiveness, Vin had just used up his allotment of words for the rest of the night and the next day, and he was coherent and, lord help him, interesting*_ Of course, Josiah, enlighten us.

**JD:** _*already imagining what messages he could send drifting on the slight wind*_ Could we try it?

**Chris:** _*just can't take it anymore*_ Forget about the god damn smoke signals! No, Josiah, no one is interested in master anythings! _*shoots a quick level five glare at Ezra for already responding*_ We have nothing to burn anyway, in case you hadn't noticed, and what the hell am I saying!? Now you've got me doing it, dammit. It's a stupid crazy idea, so just leave it. We're walking. Any questions? No. Good. _*no one is brave enough to argue after that little outburst, and so they all give "The Bad Element" a bit more space, as they glance at each other and follow him down the slope, pondering if he's serious about them tromping through the snowy woods in the dead of night all the way home*_

**JD:** _*thinks he hears bells behind them, he slows and tilts his head as the others pass him by, yes he's hearing bells, like sleigh bells! He quickly turns around, then stops and stares in fascinated wonder at the other side of the clearing*_ Hey, guys?

**Buck:** _*afraid Chris might just shoot the kid if he starts up again now*_ Just hush JD, and come on.

**JD:** _*still staring like a wide-eyed little kid who's learned Santa is real, cause well, he kind of just has*_ But guys, it's Santa! Well, not Santa really just his reindeer, but still - look!

[](http://pics.livejournal.com/tpena19/pic/0005br7y/) Reindeer.

**Vin:** _*slows down and turns, just to see what's got the kid's attention, not cause he really thinks it's a reindeer, everyone knows there ain't no reindeer in these parts, the other four keep moving, trying to catch up to their dangerous and determined leader*_ Holy Fuck!

**Buck:** _*whirls around, afraid something horrible has happened to JD*_ ...the Hell?

**Ezra:** _*having the bad luck of being a tad too close to motherhen Wilmington, has the choice of spin around with Buck or get knocked into the snowbank, he chooses the less wet option, so he too is surprised by what he sees, though he doesn't automatically assume a jolly, fat man in a red suit to be involved*_ Those are reindeer.

**Nathan:** _*is out front of Buck and Ezra at the time of their twisting tango, thus managing to avoid either turning or eating snow, remembers who started in on the smoke signals, all the trouble they wrought - including their now forced march - and chooses to ignore all mention of impossible deer*_ I'm not looking, so just come on already.

**Josiah:** _*is also out in front of the dancing duo, breaking a new snow path right next to the walking sour puss actually, but he decides to turn and take a look-see, after all the smoke signal thing had turned out well enough, he'd learned a lot of new info about one of his brothers*_ Well, merciful Father. It is reindeer. Eight reindeer, in fact. _*his words cause Nathan to stop and slowly turn to face the impossible, while farther down the clearing an embittered leader grinds to a halt and hangs his head*_

**JD:** _*beginning to move towards the fantastical deer at an alarming rate, well alarming to Buck, and the reindeer actually*_ Do you see them? Buck? Can you see them?

**Buck:** _*putting his long, long legs to good use, scrambles in a half-mad dash after JD*_ I see them, now slow down there boy, you don't want to frighten them into doing anything they, or you, might regret. _*the eight reindeer stare at Buck, you can almost see their reindeer eyebrows going up as they watch him practically run towards them, even as he cautions his young friend to go slow*_

**Vin:** _*watches Buck rush right on past him to join JD, then snaps himself out of a magical Christmas legend induced daze to go charging after them both*_ Hey! Wait the hell up! Who's the tracker of this outfit? Who knows all about the wilderness and wildlife? Who should you be waiting for to get there first and suss out the situation? Me! That's who.

**Ezra:** _*still standing where the stampeding Buck left him, tugs slowly on his slightly twisted coat to right it, then starts searching the woods around the clearing with his eyes as he straightens his hat*_

**Josiah:** _*makes a brief stop next to Ezra, trying to figure out what the contrary man is up to, he looks at Ezra looking around, then he looks around too, finally puzzled he asks*_ What are we looking for, so..._*catching sight of the fist being raised in his direction, he wisely changes his tune*_ Ezra?

**Ezra:** _*shifts his eyes away from the woods long enough to glance at Josiah on his left, then at the just arriving Nathan on his right, before returning them to woods searching*_ The person to whom those bell bedecked, arctic-dwelling deer belong. You think it just a coincidence, them showing up right here where we are stranded? And that our trusty, not prone to stampeding away in a panic, steeds just run off in the opposite direction? If so, then you have way more trust in the world than I have found prudent to indulge, my friend.

**Nathan:** _*turns to start scanning the surrounding forest with a raised brow*_ You know, I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm with Ezra on this one.

**Josiah:** _*pats Ezra on the shoulder and tosses an indulgent smile towards Nate, as he heads on towards the group gathered round the reindeer*_ And you my Southern friends are way too cynical. Have faith in your fellow man and he may just surprise you yet.

**Chris:** _*silently appears out of nowhere taking Josiah's vacant spot - actually he was stomping his way through the snow grumbling about gods-be-damned improbable deer and annoying as fuck minions (he means friends really he does), but everyone was so distracted by the ominous/wondrous deer they didn't hear him, go figure - he crosses his arms and snorts at Josiah's parting words*_ Yeah, surprise me by just how dumb he thinks I am. What the hell are those three doing up there?

**Nathan:** _*gives a startled jump, and turns a fright induced glare at Chris, which completely fails to engender any sign of repentance, he goes on to study their three, soon to be four, friends amongst the reindeer*_ I think they're petting them. Oh. That is such a bad idea, who knows where those deer have been! They could be carrying who knows what kind of diseases, and who is going to have to doctor and nurse those idjits back to heath again? I'll tell you who, me, that's who. STOP THAT RIGHT NOW! _*begins motoring towards his four clueless, wayward, and just recently frightened near to death by his shrieking, soon-to-be patients waving his arms in giant shooing motions and near shouting*_ Step away from the wild animal, yes, I'm talking to you John Daniel Dunne. And don't think I don't see you sneaking a chin scratch to that filthy beast Vin Tanner. Buck, Josiah get a hold of yourselves, act your age and control your young friends.

**Ezra:** _*notices how all the reindeer now seem to be giving Nathan the ol' stink eye*_ What do you want to bet one of those 'filthy beasts' bites Nate on the ass?

**Chris:** _*smirking*_ I don't bet against a sure thing. _*grows serious*_ You seen anyone out there yet?

**Ezra:** _*lets out an aggrieved sigh*_ No. I don't think anyone's there now, if they were ever there to begin with, but those walking, jingling Christmas cheer adverts got here somehow.

**Chris:** _*transfers his attention back to those less sense-inclined*_ Damn. Look at the dang fools, now what the hell do they think they're doing? Shit. Come on, before one of them does something even more stupid.

**Ezra:** _*ceases watching a reindeer chase Nathan chasing Vin around a second reindeer while Josiah and JD try to strangle a third, well maybe not but who knows what they were really doing, he blinks at Larabee in bemusement, but gamely follows along as bid, still keeping a weathered eye out for any strange activity, well stranger than what was going on in the clearing at the moment anyway*_

**Chris:** _*slowing his vicious stride to a menacing crawl as he approaches the outer edge of the now modified reindeer herd, scowls at all, deer and men, with equal ferocity*_ Buck, get JD and get over here. Josiah, what the hell are you doing? No, wait, I don't want to know, just stop it. Vin, Nathan, quit playing tag with the critters.

**Nathan:** _*the dark skinned healer throws a disbelieving look at the head peace keeper, then glances back, without stopping, to see that, yes, the ass-happy biting deer was still right behind him, there were just some things a man couldn't do, no matter how much he respected his leader*_ I'm not stopping until he stops!

**Ezra:** _*catches sight of a tear on Nate's posterior and smirks, thinking*_ I would have won that bet. Too bad Mr. Larabee isn't more like Mr. Dunne, JD would bet on anything._*smirk blossoms into a full-fledged grin, he doesn't think he's had this much fun in ages, he chortles without shame*_ Faster, Mr. Jackson, he's gaining on you!

**Chris:** _*stands his ground a few feet outside the herd of reindeer, arms crossed over his chest, lips pursed, and watches as Nathan keeps running in circles weaving around reindeer, occasionally making wild swings behind him to ward off the following deer, shouting for help and for Ezra to shut the hell up*_ Vin, go rescue Nate, would ya? _*he hangs his head, what the hell had happened to his elite group of peace keepers?*_

**Vin:** _*stops his own sniggers of amusement, he figured Nate was owed this for all the crap he was talkin' earlier, and the reindeer was only playin' anyhow, he could have run Nathan down long ago iffin' he was serious*_ Sure. Hey, Nate, run this way and I'll distract ol' Chomper for you.

**Josiah:** _*rereading the note he and JD had pulled off the big reindeer, it hasn't changed since the last time he read it, he still stares at it in disbelief*_ Uh, Chris, you might want to see this.

**JD:** _*fairly dancing in excitement*_ Well, what does it say? It's a note, right? For us, right? From Santa, right? Well, come on! Read it! What does it say?

**Chris:** _*curbing the desire to swat JD like a bug, right upside the head, takes the sparkly red-and-white note from Josiah, and reads it, then just as quickly wishes he never had*_...this a joke?

end part 1

[ part 2 ](http://tpena19.livejournal.com/31334.html)


	2. The Christmas Ride or How Chris Larabee Came to Have a Personal Grudge Against St. Nick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys are stranded up a mountain on Christmas night without a way back home...or are they?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Random Christmas Crack!Fic dedicated to Pez Girl. No actual reindeer were hurt in the making of this fic.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
**Current location:** |  [freezing cold room](http://maps.google.com/maps?q=freezing%20cold%20room)  
---|---  
**Current mood:** |   
accomplished  
**Current music:** | rocky theme  
**Entry tags:** |   
[fanfic](http://tpena19.livejournal.com/tag/fanfic), [fic: christmas ride](http://tpena19.livejournal.com/tag/fic:%20christmas%20ride), [gen](http://tpena19.livejournal.com/tag/gen), [magnificent 7](http://tpena19.livejournal.com/tag/magnificent%207)  
  
  
_**First Mag7 Fic - The Christmas Ride (Gen, PG-15, all 7 guys) part 2**_  
**Title:** The Christmas Ride or How Chris Larabee Came to Have a Personal Grudge Against St. Nick  
**Author:** tpena19, Tiffany, It's Me (duh)  
**Fandom:** The Magnificent Seven: Old West  
**Characters:** Buck, Chris, Ezra, JD, Josiah, Nathan, Vin, and reindeer.  
**Rating:** PG-15, Gen (no pairings)  
**Disclaimer:** I make no money and no copyright infringement is intended, the Mag7 boys belong to MGM, Mirisch and Trilogy. Santa owns the reindeer.  
**Word Count:** 12,325 (for whole post), 11,940 (for just the story)  
**Warnings:** Some cussin' (it's a crazy situation, excuse the boys)  
**Spoilers:** Set in nonspecific OW time line, spoilers for basic understanding of Mag7 (and fanon characteristics).  
**Author's Notes:** Random Christmas Crack!Fic dedicated to Pez Girl. No actual reindeer were hurt in the making of this fic.  
**Beta:** [](http://jojosimco.livejournal.com/profile)[**jojosimco**](http://jojosimco.livejournal.com/) Now with new beta-y goodness. Thank you, JoJo!  
**Summary:** The boys are stranded up a mountain on Christmas night without a way back home...or are they?

from [ part 1 ](http://tpena19.livejournal.com/31102.html): **Chris:** _*curbing the desire to swat JD like a bug, right upside the head, takes the sparkly red-and-white note from Josiah, and reads it, then just as quickly wishes he never had*_...this a joke?

\----------------------------------------&lt;!--&lt;wbr&gt;\--&gt;&lt;!--&lt;/wbr&gt;\--&gt;\----------------------------------------&lt;!--&lt;wbr&gt;\--&gt;&lt;!--&lt;/wbr&gt;\--&gt;\--------------  
  
**Buck:** _*tired of trying to skim the note over Chris's shoulder, grabs it and reads aloud, snagging the attention of the rest of the seven not in the know as each of their names is mentioned*_

Dear Josiah, Christopher, Bucklin, Nathan, Ezra, Vincent, and John Daniel,

I must apologize for the naughty trick my fine, yet mischievous steeds played upon your persons, and verily upon your own distinguished ponies. -

**Buck:** The fuck you say, I don't ride no damn pony, now JD on the other hand...

**JD:** Buck! Spot isn't a pony, I wish you'd stop calling her that, you're going to confuse her or something.

**Chris:** JD, shut up. Buck, just read the damn letter if you're reading it.

They always get a little rambunctious after their big chore is finished, adrenaline you know, usually they just bother the elves, and chase the Missus around the toy shop, and sometimes- 

**Ezra:** You have got to be joking. Elves? Toy Shop? And I suppose we're to think the mysterious 'Missus' is Mrs. Claus, and the 'big chore' is delivering presents around the world? Hah!

**Josiah:** Now doubting Thomas, just keep listening.

**Buck:** You two about done now? Can I go on?

**Chris:** Buck...

Ahem, and sometimes they even like to go off into the world and sow their wild oats. 

**Buck:** Well, damn, now these are my kind of reindeer. Way to go boys!

**Chris:** Buck...

Right, uh, sow their wild oats. But on rare occasions, like when we make it through the Bermuda Triangle unscathed - 

**Vin:** What's a Buhmudah Triangle, and why's it such a big deal?

**Nathan:** Bermuda Triangle, and I have no idea, but maths can be scary. Now hush.

or if we manage a miraculous perfect flight with not a single present lost overboard - 

**JD:** Hey! I wonder if that's what happened? My present musta went overboard.

**Ezra:** What? This year?

**JD:** Nah, when I was little. Don't be silly, Ez, you can't ask Santa for a physical present after you grow up, you have to start asking for the hard stuff then. Like patience and love, or time with your family, or something.

**Ezra:** And you always get what you ask for?

**JD:** Pretty much.

**Nathan:** Did you ask Santa for anything this year?

**JD:** Uh...oops?

**Chris:** Son of a Bitch.

**Josiah:** Now, Chris, the boy meant well, and it's not like anything bad has happened during our 'family time'. In fact, I'd say we've learned a lot and had some fun times.

**Nathan:** Speak for yourself, Josiah.

**Vin:** Well, don't go insulting intelligent animals and they won't bite your ass.

**Nathan:** How was I to know they were intelligent?! They look like reindeer, what am I saying, they ARE reindeer, but I haven't seen one shred of proof that they are Santa's flying, sled-pulling, north-pole living reindeer, and besides Santa isn't even real.

**Chris:** Hush, JD. Buck, read the damn letter.

or if, as in this year's case, we have a close call with a calculating and devious storm, the boys like to go out and live a little. Play minor pranks, try to outdo each other, you know how boys can be. - 

**Ezra:** Shouldn't that be "you know how deer can be?" and I don't, thank you very much, and I'm long past thinking that I might want to know either.

**Chris:** Ezra, shut the hell up. Buck, read the goddamned letter and if you stop again I swear I will shoot you in the ass. Nathan, not a word.

Uh, where was I..._*sound of gun cocking*_ oh, right there! Ahem, I'm afraid this year's storm was rather violent, and the boys are a little too happy to be alive, so their pranks got a bit out of hand. They never meant to cause any harm, freeing and spooking the horses like that, see they forget that not all four-footed creatures have the delightful ability of flight, and could get hurt running through the snow at night. That forgetfulness also means that they weren't thinking of any of you either and how you would get home without rides. Don't worry about your horses, young men, I have had them brought home to their stalls and taken care of, and left them with their very own Christmas presents even. Now my reindeer have to pay for their crime, malicious though they were not, caused harm they did, and thus I sentence them to be your replacement steeds for the duration of the evening. Go ahead and choose a steed, but take your time and make sure you're compatible with your new ride, they aren't tame reindeer after all. The eighth reindeer will go along with you, act as time keeper and just-in-case spare. As it's still Christmas Day, their special magic is even more special, allowing you to travel as if time itself were standing still. So, hop on a back, and take a leisurely flight over the mountains, or through the woods if you prefer, and all the way home.

Mr. Kris Kringle AKA St. Nicholas AKA Santa Claus AKA Father Christmas

P.S. Ho Ho Ho, I almost forgot - the magic words are "up, up, and away"

_*everyone looks over in astonishment as the eight previously land bound deer leap up, hooves seeming to dig into the very air, and trot around in a few circles, obviously showing off for the newbies, before they land once again*_

**Buck:** _*eyes near to bugging out in shock*_ Well, fuck me sideways.

**Josiah:** _*with happy tears in his eyes*_ The Lord moves in mysterious and wondrous ways.

**Nathan:** _*hyperventilating*_ ...not possible...

**Vin:** _*crows with glee*_ Whoop!

**Ezra:** _*is enchanted by the sight, but is already wondering how on earth, or sky I suppose, one wouldn't fall off, and what the chances were that one of the seven of them would break a bone, at the least*_ Not good odds.

**Chris:** _*for once forgetting to glare, and even smiling a bit in giddy wonder*_ Son of a Bitch.

**JD:** _*displays much animated bouncing as he darts around the now landed deer*_ You mean...we get to RIDE on Santa's reindeer?! Oh man, sweet! Which is which you think? _*said deer now think young JD has been hit on the head a few times too many, as their names are clearly marked upon their halters*_

**Buck:** _*blinks, dragging his stare of disbelief from letter still clenched in his hands, to deer, to boy*_ Which is which what?

**JD:** _*still bouncing and now petting random reindeer trying to get a 'feel' for one, he probably shoudn't have had all that coffee before they set off tonight*_ Reindeer, silly. I bet this one is Comet, doesn't he look like a Comet guys? Or maybe it's Dasher. Yeah, he looks like the biggest, I bet the biggest is Dasher! _*turns his back to the tall deer to make a loud declaration of intent, too bad it's meaningless*_ I call first to ride Dasher!

**Vin:** _*already on said deer*_ Too slow kid. _*smirks over at Chris*_ Hey Cowboy, wanna go fer a ride?

**Chris:** _*shoots glare of death level three, a mild one, at Vin*_ Hell no. And don't call me cowboy. And don't you dare fall off either. _*trains glare of suspicion, level nine, at reindeer*_ Deer were made fer shootin' not fer flyin'.

**JD:** _*whines*_ Ah man, Vin! Darn sneaky Texan. Well, I'm choosing one before Buck then, he'll probably break the poor thing's back. _*throws a look at Buck's gut*_

**Buck:** _*stops eyeballing - halter says 'Vixen,' who's starting to get a little too friendly, and snaps a shocked look at JD, then down at his own stomach, nope still looked lean and muscled to him*_ Now, just what in the hell do you mean by that?!

**JD:** _*turns to face another reindeer smirking to himself, now Buck will be way too distracted to pick a reindeer leaving him plenty of time to find his perfect match, too bad he forgot about the other five men with him also picking rides*_ Nothing, Buck. I didn't mean a thing.

**Buck:** _*doesn't have time to respond to the less than honest sounding reply before Vixen's 'a little too friendly' moves on into 'near assault' categories, avoiding her takes all his concentration*_

**Vin:** _*slowly leading Dasher around using the reins and knee nudges, forgetting for the moment that his mount was probably as intelligent as some men he's known*_ Well, I've got my ride, come on and hurry up you slowpokes. I want to fly!

**JD:** _*moving on to the next reindeer in the line*_ Don't rush me. I can't just pick one, they are all so amazing. I have to find the perfect one.

**Vin:** _*shakes his head at the kid's enthusiasm before moving on to trying to hurry someone else*_ Josiah, you have one all ready for you? A nice big sturdy fellow?

**Josiah:** _* looks up from where he is slowly stroking a large, big-boned specimen's head*_ I think I do. Me and Blixem will get along just fine, won't we boy? Hey, Nate come say 'hi' to Blixem.

**Nathan:** _*makes his way on over, eyeing the large, rotund deer with a healthy amount of respect, especially for the front end*_ Hi, Blixem. Huh, Josiah, you know what his name means by any chance? I get all the others pretty much, but not this one.

**Vin:** _*looking up in curiosity*_ What are all the other's names? If I ever knew them I've forgotten.

**Josiah:** _*scratches his head, then starts*_ Let's see there's Dasher, he's the tall one you're on Vin, and Dancer, the twitchy one who it looks like JD has taken a shine to over yonder, and Prancer, the one with his nose proudly in the air in the perfect set of bells - remind you of anyone? Heh, and then there's Vixen, she's the only female of the lot far as I know, one guess to where she is... _*looks towards Buck and starts to chuckle*_

**Vin:** _*also glances over at Buck, who has his arms full of amorous female reindeer, and says with a snicker*_ Hey, Bucklin! Looks like you need to turn your animal magnetism down a few notches.

**Buck:** _*only has time to shoot a short, very short, nasty glare Tanner's way before said animal once again demands his full attention*_

**Josiah:** _*scanning the clearing, he continues his recital*_ Next comes Comet, the mean lookin' one over by the tree bossin' poor Cupid and Prancer about. _*swings his head back and forth, looking from the reindeer by the tree over to where Chris is standing glaring at Ezra, who has apparently once again said something to piss him off*_

**Nathan:** _*Smiles wide and laughs softly*_ Definitely reminds me of someone.

**Vin:** _*watches Larabee and Standish go through the motions of a usual spat, a peculiar mix of sadness and amusement lighting his face*_ Poor Ez, that fool never knows when to keep his mouth shut. Always got to poke the ant hill, thing is, I think he enjoys himself most times. Heck, I know Chris would go plumb loco without Ezra around to let his frustrations out on every once in awhile. I guess ol' Ez is good at that, got lots of practice.

**Josiah:** _*frowning at the sudden serious and slightly depressing turn the conversation has taken, steers it back to triviality and cheer*_ This here is Blixem, his name comes from the Dutch word meaning lightning. Who do we have next? Oof! _*he rocks forward as a deer knocks into him from behind, Nathan's special friend if he's not mistaken, and going by Nathan's suddenly pale skin, no mean feat for a black man, he's not wrong*_ Well, so there you are Dunder. His name means 'thunder' in Dutch, doesn't it boy?

**Nathan:** _*looks surprised*_ It does? Well, that's a good strong name. _*gives Dunder a second look*_ Maybe you're not all that bad after all. _*reaches out to pet the reindeer's nose, Dunder snorts snot all over his hand*_

**Vin:** _*nearly falls off Dasher he laughs so hard*_ Good one, Dunder.

**Nathan:** _*looks at his contaminated hand with an ick-face, before crouching down, carefully out of immediate reach of ol' Dunder-head, to wipe it clean in the snow*_ I take it back. _*Josiah joins Vin in laughter land, collapsing against Blixem when his legs don't want to hold him up any longer*_ And I can hear you two wheezing you know. It's not that funny. _*at that both men stop even attempting to hide their amusement and bust out in great loud cackles and guffaws*_

**Chris :** _*turns to look at the two laughing hyena-men, feeling a smile form on his face, and a sympathy laugh try to work its way out as well, all traces of his former irritation and arguments gone*_ Wonder what has them so damn happy.

**Ezra:** _*who was facing the three men, and has been watching them the whole time, knows exactly what was so funny, and has been hard pressed not to let loose a few chuckles himself, forgets about his current spat with the gunfighter as he explains the circumstances to Chris with a wide smile, gold tooth glinting briefly in the moonlight*_ Nathan's reindeer, which seems to be the same one that was so fond of his rear end earlier, snotted on his hand when he tried to pet it. I'm not sure what exactly was said before, but it was probably something like "nice reindeer," and then after I'm sure the gist was "stupid reindeer," and now it's "stupid idjits" directed at the two men cackling like loons next to him.

**Chris:** _*manages to swing a full-out, dimple bearing grin as he listens to the snot tale, then laughs in genuine amusement as Ezra relates his 'interpretations' of the scene*_ We should head over there, join them. They get up to strange things when left unsupervised for too long.

**Ezra:** _*raises a brow, and looks away from the spectacle that is their stoic Nathan daunted by quasi-livestock, to focus on Chris's smiling face*_ We go over there and we'll be coming back riding to a bell accompaniment. They've already got Buck and Nathan saddled, albeit more than a bit reluctantly for both, with new fleet-footed mounts.

**Chris:** _*turns a long measuring look at the remaining reindeer*_ Maybe so, but I'm starting to freeze my ass off just standing out here. I can't feel my feet anymore, Ez. I'm giving in to the insanity to save my toes. I need them to keep my boots on. I like my boots. What do you say?

**Ezra:** _*cracks another wide, gold tooth flashing grin at Chris's not quite exaggerated plea to save his extremities*_ You could always head on over there without me, you know.

**Chris:** _*snaps his head around to look Ezra straight in the eyes, smile fading into the night, swallowed up by the most intense look of seriousness he possesses*_ There is no way that anything, in heaven or hell or in between, can get me over there with those lunatics by myself. Look at them for god's sake. _*turns his head back around so he could once more see his men, his crack team of crime fighters; Vin was practically laying atop his deer, Josiah looked like he was riding a small, very fat barrel with antlers and legs, JD and his deer were bouncing - literally - around the clearing, Nathan was trying hard not to let his feet touch the ground while at the same time trying very hard to keep the rest of him from touching the snotting deer, and Buck - poor Buck - it looked like he was being ridden by his deer more than riding on it, it was like watching a train wreck, and he just couldn't seem to look away*_

**Ezra:** _*doesn't know whether to laugh at the absurdity or cry at the reality, after witnessing the same scenes*_ Ah, yes, I see your point. Very well, I shall accompany you over to join our brethren, and hopefully find acceptable mounts. And some sturdy rope. A LOT of very strong rope.

**Chris:** _*doesn't even bother to hide his relief, shoulders relaxing and jaw loosening, he then slants a sideways look at the crafty conman as they start moving at a sedate pace towards the trees sheltering the only remaining unclaimed steeds*_ Why rope?

**Ezra:** _*studying the three reindeer gathered near the tree line, and immediately discounting the larger, dark one glaring at them, states flatly*_ So you can tie me on.

**JD:** _*guiding Dancer's latest hop so they land next to Buck*_ Hey, Buck look! Chris and Ezra are finally picking reindeer. Maybe we can hurry up and go flying now?

**Buck:** _*finally sitting properly atop the nutzy Vixen, keeps his legs clenched and his hands wrapped tightly round the reins as he stares over, no way was he getting off this deer until he was home and could run and lock himself inside the saloon, Inez wouldn't mind, and he'd need all the alcohol he could drink after this night, he was sure of it*_ Thank Christ.

**Josiah:** _*guides Blixem over to stand near JD and Buck, flicking a glance to his side as Nathan and Dunder arrive next, with Vin following close behind*_ Looks like our errant brothers are finally getting into the spirit of things.

**Vin:** _*sends a frustrated glare Chris and Ezra's way*_ It's about god damn time. _*watches as Chris chooses a mount and glares it into submission, climbing on up with no real problems, looks like Josiah and Nate were spot on there*_ Looks like Larabee chose Comet, just like you guys thought.

**Nathan:** _*finally looks up from his snot spotting vigil*_ Really? Hah, I knew it. But what are they doing now? _*he watches as Chris moves his deer over to where Ezra is standing in front of the last two reindeer and leans down to obviously listen to Ezra speak*_ Wonder what he's saying.

**Buck:** _*squints at Chris, wondering just how, and maybe more importantly why, he seemed to be getting on so nicely with Standish, usually those two were like oil and water*_ Knowing Ez, he's probably complaining about the state of the blanket he has to sit on. _*he watches as Chris sits up and starts shaking, a worried frown begins to form on his face, then he just barely realizes that Chris is laughing before the sounds begin to burst forth from deep in his chest, Ezra is obviously not amused, standing with his arms crossed, glaring at Larabee, and still talking apparently*_ Knew it couldn't last. Ez sure is saying a lot though.

**JD:** _*eyes glued to the sight of Chris "The Bad Element" Larabee doubled over in laughter, gasping for air and clutching his stomach*_ Wonder what's so funny. Uh-oh. Looks like Ezra is a mite upset. _*Standish unfolds his own arms and takes a swing at Larabee's head, barely missing, due only to Comet taking a fortuitous side step, Chris holds a hand up and tries to calm him down, while still laughing, not such a good combination*_ Should we go help?

**Vin:** _*watching the show with a big grin and wishing he had a beer*_ Help who? Ez, or Chris? _*Standish eventually finishes saying his piece and steps aside, as Chris turns his mount in their direction and leads one of the other reindeer over towards them, as he leaves, Ezra shouts after him - A LOT OF FUCKING ROPE!*_ Huh, now what is that all about?

**Nathan:** _*fighting off a headache from constantly frowning down at Dunder-head the snotty reindeer, shifts his gaze over to Vin*_ Do we even have any rope? That wasn't in anyone's list of supplies.

**Josiah:** _*equally as curious about Ezra's situation as his less sentimentally inclined brothers, but granted with infinitely more patience than most, he booms out a heartfelt greeting before one of them can jump straight into the questioning*_ Welcome back brother!

**Chris:** _*newly arrived, gives Josiah a slightly cautious look, the man worries him sometimes*_ I never went anywhere, Josiah, that's kind of our whole problem.

**Josiah:** _*despairs of ever impressing the importance of sentiment, philosophy, and elucidation upon his less cultured brothers, though he'd thought Chris was coming along nicely before, must be the cold effecting his brain*_ Not physically, you didn't, not physically. Now, tell us about our black sheep, why's he still standing over there, instead of being in the saddle over here?

**Chris:** _*suppresses another fit of laughter, he didn't think his lungs and stomach could take any more, as he shares with the rest of the boys*_ They're negotiating. Seems poor Cupid is a few - twenty, thirty? - cards short of a full deck, so Ez is stuck with Prancer. The evidently mercenary reindeer. The deer was holding out for 4 eggs, 10 mushrooms, and a full-body rub down, while Ezra absolutely refused to go above 3 eggs and a rub down, no mushrooms, as he doesn't know where to find any, when I left. They have a real interesting communication system going too, even more complicated than he's got with that nag of his, makes for mighty peculiar listening.

**Vin:** _*nods, the laughter made sense now, he then quirks his head*_ And the rope?

**Chris:** _*smirking*_ Seems Ezra is convinced the odds are stacked against all seven of us making it back to Four Corners by flying reindeer unharmed. He wants to stack the deck in his favor. Can't say I blame him.

**JD:** _*looking just as confused as he felt*_ I don't get it. How could some old rope help him?

**Buck:** _*huffs in annoyance, not at JD's naivete so much, he was used to that, but more at the whole situation in general, especially his quickly cramping fingers*_ Think about it, what do you use rope for?

**JD:** _*still looking adorably, or maybe that's annoyingly, confused*_ To tie stuff? Ez wants to tie something to something else? Like what? All his stuff ran off with Chaucer, what's he got to tie down?

**Ezra:** _*hoping his mother never learns that he was bested in negotiations by a mammal, replies*_ Myself, Mr. Dunne, only myself.

**Chris:** _*jerks his reins in fright, causing Comet to jump to the side, which causes him to almost lose his seat*_ Jesus, Ezra, don't do that!

**Ezra:** _*frowning in genuine consternation*_ I did nothing, Mr. Larabee. Misters Tanner and Sanchez were both aware of my approach and my presence, I was not unduly quiet, and though I spoke only as conversation necessitated it, it was in my usual tone and pitch, it is not my fault you were paying no attention to your surroundings and caught a fright.

**Chris:** _*responds accordingly with a death glare, level eight*_ I wasn't afraid. Just startled a bit, maybe.

**JD:** _*still trying to wrap his mind around the whole rope idea, distractedly queries*_ What's with all the 'Mr.' stuff Ez? You been calling us by our first name almost the whole day now.

**Buck:** _*sending an amused smirk Ezra's way*_ The deer must have cleaned him out, he always gets pissy when he's irritated at hisself for not coming out on top.

**Ezra:** _*choosing to ignore both JD and Buck, in order not to incriminate himself, turns to Chris*_ So, where's my rope?

**Chris:** _*hasn't really stopped glaring at Standish, so he just cranks the level back up*_ You know there was no rope, Ezra, you were there for the listing of helpful supplies. What? Did you think I'd be able to magic it out of thin air? Yeah, and I can shit gold bricks too.

**Ezra:** _*frowning at both the image and the tone, Larabee was still pissed off that he'd managed to make him visibly flinch*_ No, I was thinking that maybe you'd have collected a few suspenders.

**Nathan:** _*frowning at the seeming selfishness*_ Why don't you use your own?

**Ezra:** _*knows exactly what Nathan is thinking, but isn't in the mood to explain himself or to elucidate on just why his new, still stiff, garments are unsuited to twisty knot tying*_ My haberdashery is only of the finest quality and as such -

**Buck:** _*truly doesn't care, he just wants to get moving, hopefully once in movement Vixen will straighten out, if not then he may become the night's first casualty, starts to shrug his coat off and down his arms without letting go of his death grip on the reins*_ Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shut up and you can use mine, so's long as you're fast and we can get the hell out of here soon.

**Vin:** _*is, as usual, completely in tune with Ezra's planning and has already managed to remove his suspenders to hand over*_ You can use mine too, Ez.

**Buck:** _*stops stripping as he jerks his head from the suspenders already in Ezra's hands to Vin and back again*_ God damn, boy, how the hell did you skin out of them suckers so fast?

**Chris:** _*distracted from not brooding over his recent non scare, is, as always, ready and able to come up with the perfect Buck teasing opener*_ I would have figured you as a shoe in for the fastest man to strip down ribbon, Big Dog, guess I'd have figured wrong. Seems you're slowing down in your old age. _*casts a long slow look over Vixen*_ Or maybe, your 'talents' have just taken a new turn.

**Buck:** _*glares heatedly at Chris*_ Now them's fighting words there, Old Dog. Besides, I'm hampered by a serious problem here, I cain't let go! _*is seriously afraid to release his hold on the affectionate reindeer even long enough to strip off his suspenders, let alone go after Chris like that comment deserved*_

**JD:**_*blurts out, interrupting the argument*_ Oh! Ropes to tie him on Prancer, I get it! _*face paling as he truly realizes exactly why Ezra wants to be tied on, swallows*_ Oh, I get it. _*turns first to Buck, sees he's back to trying to strip without moving his arms, and turn instead to Josiah*_ But we won't all need ropes, right? I mean this is safe, right?

**Josiah:** _*turns, from also watching Buck, to face the worried looking young Easterner*_ I'm sure it's safe as houses, JD. After all, good old Saint Nick wouldn't be having us do anything too dangerous, and you have to remember these are intelligent reindeer, I'm sure they won't let you fall off. _*it's probably a good thing that Josiah and the rest of the boys can't read reindeer minds at this point, as they'd all likely get straight off and start walking back home*_

**Vin:** _*from his position holding Vixen's head steady*_ You know Ez, kid, always hedging his bets.

**Chris:** _*adds from where he's roughly yanking the reins away from Buck to hand to Vin*_ There ain't enough suspenders to tie us all to the flying critters JD, so just get over it. No one is going to fall off, tied on or not. _*levels a glare that encompasses each man AND his reindeer*_

**Nathan:** _*looking slightly worried for Buck's safety from where he's now holding the man's coat as Chris strips him of his suspenders*_ We'll fly real low over large banks of snow at first, just in case.

**JD:** _*frowning at the not so reassuring words, cants a look down at Dancer sounding pitiful*_ You won't let me fall, will you boy? _*Dancer, one of the more empathetic of the deer, and feeling genuinely affectionate towards his rider, shakes his head and then sends a soulful look back at JD*_

**JD:** _*makes eye contact with Dancer, then nods decisively*_ Good enough for me. _*looks up altogether re-energized for the coming ride, completely oblivious to the stares of disbelief aimed at him by most of the others*_ You guys ready to get started yet?

**Nathan:** _*raises his brows at JD as he passes Buck his coat back*_ I'm ready. I think. _*slants a cautious look down at the reindeer he's sat atop*_

**Josiah:** _*is, as always, inspired by the energies of youth*_ I too, am ready.

**Buck:** _*glaring at Larabee, who is now practically hogtying Ezra to Prancer despite both their protests at the rough treatment, and adjusting his legs slightly while Vin has his ditzy steed under control, adds while he shrugs his clothes back on and starts buttoning up*_ I was ready ages ago. And now that someone, who shall remain nameless but has more than a bit of trouble with untying knots, has made me near freeze my god given talents off, just so they can have themselves chained to a flying reindeer, we can go.

**Ezra:** _*gives up attempting to talk sense into Larabee and just sits still letting the man wrestle with the suspenders and irritable deer by himself, stares over at Buck, undecided if he's annoyed or proud that the man is stealing one of his catch phrases, decides to let it go as he is making use of the man's undergarment at the moment*_ As soon as Mr. Larabee has bested the terrible braces, I believe we can leave.

**Chris:** _*yanks extra hard as he ties the last knot just for that comment, then muses to himself*_ And to think, there was a good patch of time tonight where I didn't want to shoot the mouthy little Banty, and was even thinking of him as the sane one, oh what strange times I'm stuck in when Ezra is the sane one. _*glares Comet back into submission then climbs on top of the ornery creature*_ Let's go.

**Vin:** _*passes Buck his reins, and then slouches over his deer to wait and see if Larabee will remember the magic words, or if soon he'll get a chance to rile him up some more*_

**Chris:** _*isn't real sure what exactly he's forgetting, but since he's still on the ground and not flying, he knows it's somethin' important, takes a quick glance around, to see everyone waiting for him to make the first move, without looking like they're waiting for him, well, except for JD he's flat out staring straight over, he shoots a dirty look down at Comet*_

**Nathan:** _*back to keeping a sharp eye on Dunder-head now that they will be taking off soon, well, he thinks they will be, glances over at Chris*_

**Ezra:** _*keeping his head down to hide the growing smirk, praises himself*_ Won that bet with myself, he doesn't have a clue what to do.

**Josiah:** _*calm and steady, figures Chris is gathering himself for the ride ahead, either that or he forgot the words*_

**Buck:** _*having trouble with Vixen again, reaches out to knock the deer's head away from his leg yet again*_ Well?

**Vin:** _*sees his chance to strike*_ Yeah, Chris - well?

**Chris:** _*snarls over at the scrawny Texan*_ I hate you.

**Ezra:** _*jumps at the chance to get in on the fun*_ Well, now, that isn't very mannerly of you, Chris. Vin was just being polite, waiting for you to lead us into yet another leg of our adventures together.

**Vin:** _*sits back to enjoy the coming fireworks*_ Yeah, what he said.

**Buck:** _*too distracted to realize just what he's putting his foot in*_ So, carry on fearless leader.

**Chris:** _*leveling a black look at both Ezra and Buck*_ I hate you both too.

**Josiah:** _*realizing that Chris has most likely forgot the words, or perhaps even the fact that he has to say special words, has the choice of giving his driven to the edge leader a helping hand or a shove over, guess which he picks*_ Does this mean you don't want to ride at the head of our family formation?

**Chris:** _*shaking his head and giving them all dirty looks*_ No. Just, no. I hate you all. I hate the cold and the snow, the Judge for sending us out here, and that damn town for trying to practically lynch us. And I hate my bitching horse for abandoning me here with you lot. And I really, really hate Santa Claus.

**JD:** _*looking sad*_ So, you aren't going to lead us?

**Vin:** _*bursts out into loud laughter, and is soon joined by the others in the know, first Ezra then Josiah, Buck joins in though he isn't sure what exactly is so funny as Chris is looking mighty scary, JD looks on in bafflement, Nathan in a strange mix of approval at their cheer and reproach at their disrespect, and Chris looks like he's ready to commit murder before he closes his eyes and slumps*_

**Chris:** _*realizing that if he ever wants to make it home to warm his toes and sleep in a bed tonight he needs to suck it up and be a man, asks*_ So, how do you make the thing go again?

_And so, they had many a grand adventure in the space of that one time-frozen night, most by accident, a few by design, but they eventually made it home, very early the next morning. After thirteen almost falls, seven actual falls - Ezra not amongst them, eight tree collisions, five pauses for puking and three for other bodily functions, and one river dunking, though that was just Cupid so maybe it doesn't really count, of course, the three who had to fetch him out would argue that it really, really does._

**Author's Notes:** Pictures snagged from many peoples around LJ &amp; the web, and two pics by AlexiFallenAngel &amp; Babsx129 at DA (thanks all). Original reindeer names taken from the early 1800s version of "A Visit from St. Nicholas" by Clement Clarke Moore. Smoke signal info gathered mainly from wikipedia.

Well, that's the end (for now anyways, _*cackles madly*_). I'm sure I could have gone on for ages more, as the dang story just didn't want to come to an end. Hope you liked it.


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